Avoiding Zazen

[frjames]

Hi all,

For the past couple of days, I seem to be avoiding zazen. Procrastinating.

Yesterday I did managed to sit for about 30 minutes. But I had to force myself to do it.

Today, I have no desire to sit. I can almost hear my zafu calling me but I just walk by it. Too many things to do, too many things in my head, too many agitations in my mind, too many responsibilities, too many problems to deal with, too many...Argh!

I take refuge in the Sangha!

[jrh001]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Hi frjames,

Happens to me all the time. Sooner or later you'll want to get back to it. Sitting with others can help in these circumstances, if there's an opportunity. Also, finding another place can help. Jundo sits zazen on the train (me too sometimes) or while waiting for an appointment or some other time in between all that busyness. Churches are nice and quiet, could you sit zazen in a church?

gassho,

JohnH

[KellyRok]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Hello frjames and all,

I know what you mean...I too tend to avoid and procrastinate at times. I find that when I'm in one of these states, it is actually easier to sit if I do it around other people rather than in isolation. In my case, I sometimes sit in the corner of the living room while my children are playing nearby. It is a comfort to hear them, as well as, a challenge for me to just sit still. But it is a good challenge...one that seems to soothe rather than irritate.

I stay at home during the day, most of the time I'm at home all day...so you'd think that would be an ideal time in the peace and quiet. But sometimes, that's when our minds are the loudest and most resistant.

Forge through it...and it will get better. I'm here forging with you :wink:

wishing you peace,
Kelly (Jinmei)

[frjames]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Thanks JohnH and Kelly. Your replies are encouraging.

I have been inching along toward finding a group to sit with. I guess that's where I'm being pointed to. And I've checked into a couple already.

Its just that right now, the sitting is dry and the desire is quite not there as it used to.

(JohnH, oddly enough, the worse place for a pastor to pray or sit in is in his own church: "Look there's the pastor, lets talk to him, he's just sitting there.")

Forging through...

Gasho,

James.

[Jundo]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Much like jogging or washing the dishes ... simply setting a time, and making it a habit, come hell or high water (sorry Father 8) ) is the best way I have found.

Forgive yourself (say a Hail Mary, Father?) if you miss a day or so ... or take a little break ...

... but then come back to it.

Most all of us know the "Ah, this is right, what was keeping me away?" feeling that hits us when our butt hits the Zafu.

This is a practice with, about, working with, and seeing through our self's desires, our wants. So, learning to sit even when we don't "want to" is an important lesson. If you can drop from yourself all "likes" and "dislikes", attractions and aversions ... how is it possible not to sit?

(if you say that "dropping likes and dislikes" there is then no desire to sit ... well, you need to work a bit more with that Koan).

So ... JUST DO IT! ...

Like jogging and washing the dishes ... it is good for your health, and feeling clean.

Gassho, J

[Jen]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

We host two weekly sittings on Tuesdays and Saturdays. These sittings are longer than my normal daily sittings at home. Every week when we get in the car for the short drive to the zendo I am filled with dread, hoping no one shows up. There is no 'out' when there are other people there, I HAVE to sit for the full time.

Yet, once everyone gets settled and the bell rings, everything settles into place. I feel no urge to push the minute hand ahead, I just sit.

The lesson here? Getting to the cushion is hard. The actual sitting part is easy if you can get past the getting to it part.

[frjames]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Jundo wrote:
So, learning to sit even when we don't "want to" is an important lesson. If you can drop from yourself all "likes" and "dislikes", attractions and aversions ... how is it possible not to sit?

(if you say that "dropping likes and dislikes" there is then no desire to sit ... well, you need to work a bit more with that Koan).

Thanks Jundo. Your words I take to heart even as I struggle to get to the cushion...even as I take that koan you just gave me. (Hey I thought we don't do koans :lol: )

Jen wrote:
Getting to the cushion is hard. The actual sitting part is easy if you can get past the getting to it part.

Jen, no truer words...its "the getting to it part" that is also another koan for me right now.

Taking refuge in the Sangha helps too right now.

Gasho to all,

James.

[disastermouse]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

One of the few things I've read from Thich N. H. that didn't make me sleepy (that man is just TOO gentle, LOL) was when he was talking about how we put things off because of our thoughts about them. He actually used the dishes as an example. We hate THINKING about doing the dishes, but actually doing them can be rather pleasant - the warm water, etc.

Chet

[Shohei]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Hi Just going to add i too have my bouts of not sitting ... I have found it easier to just ride it out then beat myself up over it. That said i still check in on why im not sitting... when i ran out of excuses i just up and sat.

the thing i try to keep in mind is exactly what Jundo wrote

. Most all of us know the "Ah, this is right, what was keeping me away?" feeling that hits us when our butt hits the Zafu.

Gassho
Shohei

[bayamo]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Hi frjames,

Happens to me all the time. Sooner or later you'll want to get back to it. Sitting with others can help in these circumstances, if there's an opportunity. Also, finding another place can help. Jundo sits zazen on the train (me too sometimes) or while waiting for an appointment or some other time in between all that busyness. Churches are nice and quiet, could you sit zazen in a church?

gassho,

JohnH

i do this quite often.. sometimes i may have an extra class to give, before my shift at school begins.. instead of going home then back to school i just walk over to the church and sit.. its one of my favorite places to just sit, even if it is in a pew and not in any pretzel-twisty shape..

[Yellow Pine]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

by Jundo on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:18 pm

Much like jogging or washing the dishes ... simply setting a time, and making it a habit

After many years....I'm 60....it's become really exotic....like taking the garbage out...or brushing my teeth...pretty sexy stuff...just like in the glossy mags.

Tom

[disastermouse]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Hi Just going to add i too have my bouts of not sitting ... I have found it easier to just ride it out then beat myself up over it. That said i still check in on why im not sitting... when i ran out of excuses i just up and sat.

the thing i try to keep in mind is exactly what Jundo wrote

. Most all of us know the "Ah, this is right, what was keeping me away?" feeling that hits us when our butt hits the Zafu.

Gassho
Shohei

"Besides...girls aren't as good as they look, and Samadhi is better than you think. When it starts in hitting your head in with buzz of glitter-gold heaven's angels wailing saying, "We've been waiting for you since morning, Jack. Why were you so long dallying in the sooty room?" - Jack Kerouac


Chet

[Manatee]

Re: Avoiding Zazen

Get out of the way and let rosy-fingered dawn

Thanks for reminding me that not sitting is still sitting

Mandy

P.S. Time for me to sit