Friends and family...

[SunnyP]

Hello Everyone,

I was just curious about what everybody's friends and family think about you choosing to take this path. My family swears i am going to burn in hell, but they have always thought that way. My friends could careless, and my husband thinks it's about time. With my family, they think i have just lost my faith and i'm confused. I think it is funny they think that way because i haven't lost anything, i just don't think along the same lines they do. I told them that i have been looking into this for a long time and that i am finally taking the leap. Anyways, this is just rambling, just something in my head and i thought i would get it out and share it.

Thank you all,
Paula

[Dosho]

Re: Friends and family...

Hey Paula,

Although my father teaches religion at a community college, my upbringing was never religious so I never had anything to walk away from to head down the path. However, I know there are a fair amount of folks here who have had the same reaction from family that you describe. The biggest thing is that your husband accepts you which is something that extends in many directions and makes for a strong bond. My wife supports me all the way and it makes all the difference in the world.

Gassho,
Dosho

[aikoku tora]

Re: Friends and family...

oh here the reactions differ quite abit...My Mother is a traditional old world ( not new age) Celt pagen and see's more similarities in respecting the flow " or the force" of the universe...and is infact not shocked, and rather proud..and seems to enjoy letting others know...

My father could really care less one way or another..He really is a businessman at heart so religion, or philosophy are pretty much bottom rung on his mind, if even on the scope to start with..

My grandmother on my mothers side was a rather strict christian in her youth, but each years becomes more and more open and relaxed, and while it's not her path, she is respectful, and just happy there is something, be it a philosophy or not that helps in day to day life and keeps us happy...

on the other hand I have an uncle whos a born again evangelical ( who really really walks the extremist side) not pretty on that side...but then again he also preaches to other Christians their doom if they don't see exact eye to eye with what he thinks..

but overall I was raised in a very diverse family, and further more taken on, and adopted in heart by other families with shinto roots, and buddhist roots, and a good smattering of things in between, so in the end I don't think there is really much of an impact one way or another...

[Keishin]

Re: Friends and family...

This is an excellent topic to raise--one which regularly comes up.

For my two cents, I recommend not talking to friends or family about one's buddhism.
For one, it takes a long time of silent immersion to even get a true sense of what it is your are doing in zazen, not just what it is you THINK you are doing. By the time that sense comes, there aren't any words adequate to the task. Fellow zazen practitioners will sympathize with attempts at explanation, and some gifted persons are able to do a descent job with words, but the rest of us (and I am one), are better off remaining quiet for the most part--just be a good friend, good sister/brother, son/daughter, auntie/uncle--in other words just go about your ordinary life. It's someone's birthday?--bake the cake, bring the present, help clean up after. Someone had a baby?--chip in for the nappy/diaper service--bring the punch for the 'baby shower' party, help put the crib together. Parent/neighbor came down with the flu?--make the chicken soup, take that and juices over, do some housecleaning, take out the trash...
Little deeds, small contributions and simple tasks aren't exclusive to buddhists--this is where all faiths are identical. Someone needs support, needs help: then be supportive, be helpful, no need to discuss anything.

You haven't 'gone' buddhist...you haven't 'gone' anywhere.

At some point it becomes clearer what there is to share and with whom to share it.
Until then, it is just the self trying to set itself up as separate, as different, as special in some way--avoid it.

[Taigu]

Re: Friends and family...

There is a lot of wisdom in Keishin's point of view, it reminds me of the following : "when I told everybody I had gone buddhist, everybody in my family was annoyed. Since I am a Buddha, nobody minds".
When I started to sit and be really involved at 13, my whole family went to war with me and my mother who totally trusted what I was doing. For many years, i experienced deep rejection from many people in the name of what they called Christianity. I even lost a job because I was buddhist when i was teaching in a Christian school and its community. I also witnessed intolerance in buddhists of all sorts. The basic problem has nothing to do with Buddhism, Christianity or Islam, or even with cultural misunderstandings, it has to do with human delusion and confusion. The root of it all is the idea that what we see as our reality, what we believe in applies everywhere to everybody, everybody should see as we see, practice as we practice. We all have to be very careful with that one: in the name of truth, anybody can turn into a religious terrorist. Religions as institutions and groups live on this mind. Religions give people the opportunity to play with the most dangerous toys: hopes and fears.

These days, my family does not care anymore. The woman who shares my life does not share the Dharma, she could not care less and all is well. Could not be better.

You will rot in hell Paula? Let them believe what they want and preach with your own actions. After all, Hell is a better place than Heaven when Heaven is seen as an ever lasting resting place for bashed and wounded egos pampered by Angels or Buddhas :lol:

gassho

Taigu

[Kent]

Re: Friends and family...

After all, Hell is a better place than Heaven when Heaven is seen as an everlasting resting place for the bashed and wounded egos pampered by Angels or Buddhas.

Taigu, thank you for the evocative image that inspires.

[Rich]

Re: Friends and family...

Hello Everyone,

I was just curious about what everybody's friends and family think about you choosing to take this path.

Thank you all,
Paula

I can tell when my girlfriend is annoyed with me cause she tells me to go meditate. She doesn't sit but did some yoga for awhile. My adult children have been aware of my sitting since they were young but have no interest so far. Unless someone expresses an interest it's not something I would bring up.
/Rich

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

"You will rot in hell Paula? Let them believe what they want and preach with your own actions. After all, Hell is a better place than Heaven when Heaven is seen as an ever lasting resting place for bashed and wounded egos pampered by Angels or Buddhas "

Thank you for that.

Paula

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

Hey All,

Thank you for responding. I have never been too worried about what my family or friends think of me. I was only curious what others have experienced. Thank you again.

Paula

[disastermouse]

Re: Friends and family...

My experience has shown me that 'Living Buddha, Living Christ' has had some moderating effect on my family. For my mom, I just translate Buddhist teachings into the relevant Catholic ones (there are a lot, actually).

After you become a bit more established as a Buddhist, it's easier to speak to others in whatever religious 'language' they use.

Chet

[aikoku tora]

Re: Friends and family...

My experience has shown me that 'Living Buddha, Living Christ' has had some moderating effect on my family. For my mom, I just translate Buddhist teachings into the relevant Catholic ones (there are a lot, actually).

After you become a bit more established as a Buddhist, it's easier to speak to others in whatever religious 'language' they use.

Chet

actually my great uncle is a catholic priest.. he said it was pretty common for priests in training to go study with Buddhists and he went as far to say " that he learned " that the rosary was actually inspired by the Mala. don't know how true or not it is, other than what he's said and the countless documentary of priests visiting Tibetan temples

[SunnyP]

Re: Friends and family...

"After you become a bit more established as a Buddhist, it's easier to speak to others in whatever religious 'language' they use."

Chet

Thank you Chet,

I am unable to speak about being a Buddhist right now, i just don't have the words. I am finding it a lot easier to just sit right now and learn what i can.

Paula

[Myoshin]

Re: Friends and family...

Thanks for sharing Paula.

My family was kinda divided. My Dad did not really care one way or another, just as long as I was not sacrificing goats on a hill or something. My Mom was a different story. She was more worried that this was a cult and that Jundo was going to call me to Japan because of my 'Zen' nature. :roll: But after I talked to her a bit and she did some research herself, she found that it was my choice and a good one at that. She still is a little unsure, but better now. I still joke with her about it. Our common conversation could goes as follows:
Mom: "So, err, what are you typing? Is that your friends?"
Kyle: "Yeah Mom, we are talking about how to mix Kool-aide correctly for an upcoming retreat." *chuckle*
She is pretty tolerant and is okay with different viewpoints.

Some people have reacted differently, some are intrigued, some believe I should be farting lotus blossoms and adorning orange robes with a shaved head.

Unless someone expresses an interest it's not something I would bring up.

Same.

Gassho,
Kyle

[kfrance0]

Re: Friends and family...

I haven't come right out and told anyone in my family, though I doubt they'd much care. They probably have noticed the buddha statue I put under a nice tree in my back yard, though. :-) People at work...well, I've only mentioned it to a couple that I think of as friends. Some of the other guys would turn it into a big joke, and I'd just rather not deal with all that. I have my religion listed as buddhist on Facebook, and a lot of my co-workers have access to me on there, so I guess they can figure it out if they're interested enough to look and/or ask me directly.

Actually, now that I think about it, my department manager knows, too--I asked him about taking off a couple hours early on thursdays to go to a zen group here in town. He's been very cool about it, but I haven't been comfortable doing it more than a couple of times. It leaves the evening shift with one fewer rad techs to shoot x-rays right at a time when things sometimes start to get a bit busy.

[mum21andtwins]

Re: Friends and family...

Unless someone expresses an interest it's not something I would bring up.

Same.

Gassho,
Kyle

same here too it like so many aspects of our lives that peope here look strangly at (home educating breastfeeding homebirth) unless they ask its not worth the hassle usually