My marriage is over.

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  • Chogetsu
    Member
    • Feb 2009
    • 24

    My marriage is over.

    We were married for only 10 months, I thought we had something really special.

    Its all over now, shes gone and taken all her stuff, and says theres no chance of us making it work, and we've run our course.

    Its all so sudden.

    I feel completely lost in this big house now, everything here reminds me of her. She was all I had and all I wanted and now shes gone.
    I don't know if any of you have heard Fade to Black by Metallica, but that completely describes how I feel.

    Thanks for listening.

    Chogetsu
    When Dharma does not fill your whole body and mind, you may assume it is already sufficient. When Dharma fills your body and mind, you understand that something is missing.
    Dogen Zenji
  • disastermouse

    #2
    Re: My marriage is over.

    Originally posted by Chogetsu
    We were married for only 10 months, I thought we had something really special.

    Its all over now, shes gone and taken all her stuff, and says theres no chance of us making it work, and we've run our course.

    Its all so sudden.

    I feel completely lost in this big house now, everything here reminds me of her. She was all I had and all I wanted and now shes gone.
    I don't know if any of you have heard Fade to Black by Metallica, but that completely describes how I feel.

    Thanks for listening.

    Chogetsu
    Wow!

    How long were you together (I know you were married 10 months).

    I'm sorry, Chogetsu.


    Chet

    Comment

    • Shohei
      Member
      • Oct 2007
      • 2854

      #3
      Re: My marriage is over.

      Hi Chogetsu,
      I am very sorry to hear that.

      If you want to talk you know you have plenty of folks here, including me, who have gone /are going through this or similar and can offer a sympathetic ear or some sage advice or just be with you if you are open to it.

      Gassho, Shohei

      Comment

      • Chogetsu
        Member
        • Feb 2009
        • 24

        #4
        Re: My marriage is over.

        Thanks for the replys. Its great to know Ive got friends on here.

        We were together about 3 years.

        I've just been sitting in zazen, trying to look on the positive things Ive got left. Ive never felt this down before it just feels like my lifes over. I just keep thinking theres no point anymore, im just forcing myself to live.
        When Dharma does not fill your whole body and mind, you may assume it is already sufficient. When Dharma fills your body and mind, you understand that something is missing.
        Dogen Zenji

        Comment

        • JamesVB
          Member
          • Mar 2009
          • 79

          #5
          Re: My marriage is over.

          Originally posted by Chogetsu
          I've just been sitting in zazen, trying to look on the positive things Ive got left. Ive never felt this down before it just feels like my lifes over. I just keep thinking theres no point anymore, im just forcing myself to live.
          In 1995, my life was "over" when my first wife left me. I underwent deep suffering for the loss of the marriage to which I was attached. In retrospect, my first wife did me a great favor. Sure, it hurt in the moment, but it was just a stepping stone on the path to where I am now. I like where I am now.
          _/|\_
          Genmyo

          Comment

          • Shugen
            Treeleaf Unsui
            • Nov 2007
            • 4535

            #6
            Re: My marriage is over.

            I'm also very sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.

            Ron
            Meido Shugen
            明道 修眼

            Comment

            • will
              Member
              • Jun 2007
              • 2331

              #7
              Re: My marriage is over.

              I've just been sitting in zazen, trying to look on the positive things Ive got left. Ive never felt this down before it just feels like my lifes over. I just keep thinking theres no point anymore, im just forcing myself to live.
              But that's it Chogetsu. That's life. This right now, what you are experiencing, is life. Use it. Cherish it. Accept it. (but don't wallow in it)

              This is the place where artists find their inspiration.


              Gassho
              [size=85:z6oilzbt]
              To save all sentient beings, though beings are numberless.
              To penetrate reality, though reality is boundless.
              To transform all delusion, though delusions are immeasurable.
              To attain the enlightened way, a way non-attainable.
              [/size:z6oilzbt]

              Comment

              • will
                Member
                • Jun 2007
                • 2331

                #8
                Re: My marriage is over.

                deleted by Will
                [size=85:z6oilzbt]
                To save all sentient beings, though beings are numberless.
                To penetrate reality, though reality is boundless.
                To transform all delusion, though delusions are immeasurable.
                To attain the enlightened way, a way non-attainable.
                [/size:z6oilzbt]

                Comment

                • Dosho
                  Member
                  • Jun 2008
                  • 5784

                  #9
                  Re: My marriage is over.

                  Hey C,

                  This is one of those moments where people tell us that all things pass, but it rarely feels that way at the time. All I can say is, it will pass and there was some very good advice already offered, especially Will's that may be the hardest to hear. In any event, we're here to offer support whenever a sangha member needs it.

                  Be well.

                  Gassho,
                  Dosho

                  Comment

                  • Taigu
                    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest
                    • Aug 2008
                    • 2710

                    #10
                    Re: My marriage is over.

                    Hi Chogetsu,

                    I am very sorry to hear that and there is no doubt, for now you think it is the worse thing ever.
                    I lost two marriages. My last wife, a wonderful ,very sensitive and beautiful Japanese girl had a lovely love affair with an italian concert pianist who happended to be one of my friends. It killed two birds with one stone. I thought I was going to die. The pain. The questions. Lost my job too. Ended up stacking shelves in the local supermarket Sainsbury's and did spend Christmas working night shifts with tears running down my cheeks as I was moving huge boxes of goods. Met many broken men and women there. People in life crisis. I was a Phd guy, there was a banker from the City, an artist, a GP...What did I do? Just that. Sat zazen, cried if I felt I wanted too and immersed myself in manual work. After six months of this very good therapy I made my way to Japan to do ritual begging in Kyoto for I am Zen monk since I am 18. And today...
                    I have a lovely job, a great partner who is a dream to be with, she has a child so I am a father again...All is amazing and well. This is called impermanence and no doubt this happiness will end in one way or another, death can be the thing.

                    Welcome to life and it is time to wake up to this truth of impermanece.

                    My advice? keep going, work, physical hard work and sit. And allow yourself to be miserable. If you drop too low you may ask a GP for a light medication if you wish. But there is no way out, the way out is the way in. It is your life. And let that wife of yours go. And invite that life of yours.

                    What you are now experiencing is Buddhism at its hardest.


                    Much love


                    Gassho


                    Taigu


                    and yes, read the following lyrics...read Rumi too.

                    I was bruised and battered and I couldn't tell
                    what I felt
                    I was unrecognizable to myself
                    Saw my reflection in a window I didn't know
                    my own face
                    Oh brother are you gonna leave me
                    wasting away
                    On the streets of Philadelphia

                    I walked the avenue till my legs felt like stone
                    I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
                    At night I could hear the blood in my veins
                    Just as black and whispering as the rain
                    On the streets of Philadelphia

                    Ain't no angel gonna greet me
                    It's just you and I my friend
                    And my clothes don't fit me no more
                    I walked a thousand miles
                    just to slip this skin

                    The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake
                    I can feel myself fading away
                    So receive me brother with your faithless kiss
                    or will we leave each other alone like this
                    On the streets of Philadelphia



                    take care!

                    Comment

                    • will
                      Member
                      • Jun 2007
                      • 2331

                      #11
                      Re: My marriage is over.

                      And don't forget to do the laundry :shock:

                      W
                      [size=85:z6oilzbt]
                      To save all sentient beings, though beings are numberless.
                      To penetrate reality, though reality is boundless.
                      To transform all delusion, though delusions are immeasurable.
                      To attain the enlightened way, a way non-attainable.
                      [/size:z6oilzbt]

                      Comment

                      • disastermouse

                        #12
                        Re: My marriage is over.

                        I've never been married, Chogetsu. When my last long-term thing ended the first time, I couldn't breathe.

                        I lifted weights for hours everyday. We had to live together for a few weeks afterward. Oddly, right before we left, we got back together (mistakenly). By the time we split up again, there was only a feeling of release and gratitude - likewaking from a dream in which you thought you had cancer.

                        I've learned that you can't find what I was looking for in another person. You have to realize from within that you truly lack nothing.

                        Chet

                        Comment

                        • will
                          Member
                          • Jun 2007
                          • 2331

                          #13
                          Re: My marriage is over.

                          It's seems like my first 28 years of life was Relationship, break up, cry,end of the world, distract myself, relationship, break up, cry, end of the world etc.

                          Don't try to get rid of it. Accept it. Just let it be when you sit, and come back, like Taigu said, to doing something productive. Life "does" go on. Even when we think we can't.

                          We should try to practice not only for ourselves, but for others as well.

                          Gassho
                          [size=85:z6oilzbt]
                          To save all sentient beings, though beings are numberless.
                          To penetrate reality, though reality is boundless.
                          To transform all delusion, though delusions are immeasurable.
                          To attain the enlightened way, a way non-attainable.
                          [/size:z6oilzbt]

                          Comment

                          • disastermouse

                            #14
                            Re: My marriage is over.

                            Also - note that the subject of your post is, 'my marriage is over', not 'my life is over'.

                            That in itself is a lesson. Your pain will be gone as soon as you let go of the deranged notion that she wasn't supposed to leave (deranged only because it argues with reality).

                            You will heal.

                            Chet

                            Comment

                            • humblepie
                              Member
                              • Jan 2009
                              • 205

                              #15
                              Re: My marriage is over.

                              I feel for you, Chogetsu. Things like this shake you to the core and make you question everything, and this is where you really learn, really grow. I'm going through a very tough time, too, faced with dealing with issues from my past that are breaking apart everything I knew about my life, or the possibility of losing my marriage.

                              I chose the lesser of sufferings, to deal with my past. From any great struggle we can learn a lot about ourselves, especially when we learn there is no struggle.

                              Peace and blessings be with you,
                              Dave
                              1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused before the age of 18, and 1 in 6 boys.
                              These figures only represent reported cases.

                              Comment

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