Zen practice and Parenting by Shohaku Okumura

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  • Inshin
    Member
    • Jul 2020
    • 557

    Zen practice and Parenting by Shohaku Okumura

    I have just found this and thought it was worth sharing


    Gassho
    Sat
    Last edited by Inshin; 08-28-2021, 10:20 AM.
  • Bion
    Treeleaf Unsui
    • Aug 2020
    • 3824

    #2
    “Sit” was actually directed by Yoko, Shohaku’s daughter.
    It is fascinating to notice the tremendous differences in perception between the father and his Zen monk approach to life and the kids.
    He is a wonderful teacher, without a doubt.

    [emoji1374] SatToday
    "Stepping back with open hands, is thoroughly comprehending life and death. Immediately you can sparkle and respond to the world." - Hongzhi

    Comment

    • Inshin
      Member
      • Jul 2020
      • 557

      #3
      Loved how at the end Okumara gives a philosophical talk about going about our lives like fish and a bird and, the movie finishes with his son serving two dishes saying "bird" and the "fish"

      Gassho
      Sat

      Comment

      • Bion
        Treeleaf Unsui
        • Aug 2020
        • 3824

        #4
        Originally posted by Inshin
        Loved how at the end Okumara gives a philosophical talk about going about our lives like fish and a bird and, the movie finishes with his son serving two dishes saying "bird" and the "fish"

        Gassho
        Sat
        His son eventually ended up finishing his studies .. culinary school or something. [emoji1374] [emoji1374]

        [emoji1374] SatToday
        "Stepping back with open hands, is thoroughly comprehending life and death. Immediately you can sparkle and respond to the world." - Hongzhi

        Comment

        • Bion
          Treeleaf Unsui
          • Aug 2020
          • 3824

          #5
          Originally posted by Inshin
          Loved how at the end Okumara gives a philosophical talk about going about our lives like fish and a bird and, the movie finishes with his son serving two dishes saying "bird" and the "fish"

          Gassho
          Sat
          By the way, his name is Shohaku Okumura [emoji23] [emoji1787]

          [emoji1374] SatToday
          "Stepping back with open hands, is thoroughly comprehending life and death. Immediately you can sparkle and respond to the world." - Hongzhi

          Comment

          • Inshin
            Member
            • Jul 2020
            • 557

            #6
            Originally posted by Bion
            By the way, his name is Shohaku Okumura [emoji23] [emoji1787]

            [emoji1374] SatToday
            Thank you! I've changed it. I'm notorious for misspelling names

            Gassho
            Sat

            Comment

            • Koushi
              Treeleaf Unsui / Engineer
              • Apr 2015
              • 1275

              #7
              It’s easy to forget that when this documentary came out, Okumura was 69 years old. (I hope I age as gracefully). His approach to parenting is very hands off, allowing his kids to make their own decisions, to the point the son says “I wish he were a little more hard on me.”

              The dynamic between everyone in the family is very interesting, and to hear about daily life and the effects of parenting from all sides is thought provoking and wonderful. In the end, it seems, his son chose his own path and things worked out as they should have (and only could have).

              Thank you for sharing, I’ll always watch this when it comes up. Sorry for running long.

              Gassho,
              Koushi
              STLaH
              理道弘志 | Ridō Koushi

              Please take this novice priest-in-training's words with a grain of salt.

              Comment

              • Jundo
                Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                • Apr 2006
                • 39455

                #8
                It is a lovely and honest film.

                We had another little thread about it when it was first released. I made this comment, as a parent myself ...

                Sometimes there are bad parents in this world. Terrible parents.

                Sometimes there are good parents who make some mistakes.

                Sometimes there are good parents, and the kids don't appreciate what they have.


                No matter how you cut it, the Okumura's are not the first, and I bet ya that the truth is closer to the last.

                I know that I regret some of the things I said and thought about my own parents now that, with my own kids, I find myself doing and saying the same things to them that my parents said to me: ("Do it because I said so! As long as you are under my roof, eating my food ... ") I came to realize that dear old dad was one hell of a great guy through thick and thin though he also never said much in words, and mom was always there and meant well despite the flaws.

                I will tell you a Japanese cultural trait that I know first hand from 27 years here: A lot of Japanese are not very verbal, even with folks they love. They show love, they do loving things for the kids, but they don't necessarily say "I love you", or have deep talks with their kids or other family members. As one of my in-laws once told me, "Japanese folks show love by being together, living together, sticking together ... and no need to say much more." A lot of Asian kids, raised in the U.S. (in my wife's family too) frequently complain about such cultural divides with their more traditional parents.

                In all the times I have gone to parks, play groups, and children's play centers here in Japan, I have yet to see a Japanese parent kiss and hug their kids. If you understood Japanese, you would probably never hear a Japanese parent say "I love you."


                Some parents push their kids too hard (a lot of that in Japan, where there is a big push to study to pass entrance exams even to get into a good public high school, and even into a good junior high school!)

                Adolescence has never been easy, but add the pressure of having to pass an important high school exam and you have what's commonly known as 'entrance exam hell.'


                So, I just wonder what film this young daughter will make about her parents when she, herself, is a parent. Hmmmm.

                Gassho, Jundo Dad

                SatToday (then told my son to get a haircut cause summer is over, school starts tomorrow! )
                Sorry to run long
                ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

                Comment

                • Geika
                  Treeleaf Unsui
                  • Jan 2010
                  • 4980

                  #9
                  This little movie has kind of made itself into a Treeleaf classic. It shows up every once in a while, for good reason!

                  Gassho
                  Sat, lah
                  求道芸化 Kyūdō Geika
                  I am just a priest-in-training, please do not take anything I say as a teaching.

                  Comment

                  • Onrin
                    Member
                    • Apr 2021
                    • 193

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Jundo
                    It is a lovely and honest film.
                    Having met your kids I have no doubt as to the quality of parenting you and your wife have accomplished.

                    Comment

                    • Yokai
                      Member
                      • Jan 2020
                      • 507

                      #11
                      Thank you for sharing Inshin

                      Parenting...small fish, big ocean! (or is that small bird, big ocean?)

                      Off to practice lockdown home schooling

                      Gassho, Yokai sat/lah

                      Comment

                      • Jundo
                        Treeleaf Founder and Priest
                        • Apr 2006
                        • 39455

                        #12
                        Originally posted by kurisu
                        Having met your kids I have no doubt as to the quality of parenting you and your wife have accomplished.
                        If only our 18 year old and 11 year old always thought so!

                        Sometimes asking them to remember to feed the cat or to pull some weeds makes them call us TYRANTS!

                        That's when I make the family watch 'Little House on the Prarie' or 'Anne of Green Gables,' and hint that we should buy a cow for them to milk each morning ...

                        Gassho, J
                        STLah
                        ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

                        Comment

                        • Inshin
                          Member
                          • Jul 2020
                          • 557

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Yokai
                          Thank you for sharing Inshin

                          Parenting...small fish, big ocean! (or is that small bird, big ocean?)

                          Off to practice lockdown home schooling

                          Gassho, Yokai sat/lah
                          Sending Metta to you and an ocean of patience. Mine nearly dried up when we did home schooling.

                          Gassho
                          Sat

                          Comment

                          • Onrin
                            Member
                            • Apr 2021
                            • 193

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Jundo
                            If only our 18 year old and 11 year old always thought so!

                            Sometimes asking them to remember to feed the cat or to pull some weeds makes them call us TYRANTS!

                            That's when I make the family watch 'Little House on the Prarie' or 'Anne of Green Gables,' and hint that we should buy a cow for them to milk each morning ...

                            Gassho, J
                            STLah
                            Same here, everyday. And good idea on Little House!
                            I can remind ours that their grandma had to slaughter a chicken if they wanted stew and clean out the horse stable daily. At least our boy has to clean up the goat pen at his kindergarten so he knows what that's about.
                            Gassho,
                            Chris

                            Comment

                            • Heiso
                              Member
                              • Jan 2019
                              • 824

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Yokai
                              Thank you for sharing Inshin

                              Parenting...small fish, big ocean! (or is that small bird, big ocean?)

                              Off to practice lockdown home schooling

                              Gassho, Yokai sat/lah
                              All the metta to you Yokai, I feel a bit sick just at the thought of lockdown homeschooling again.

                              And I agree with Geika, this is a Treeleaf classic for good reason. Thanks for posting.

                              Gassho,

                              Heiso

                              StLah

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