Dear Treeleaf friends,
Apologies in advance that this will be longer than three sentences but I wanted to explain that I may be absent for a while - at least in terms of posting.
A short while ago my dear husband of over thirty years had a routine scan. We were not expecting anything too earth shattering but terminal
cancer showed up in his pancreas, liver and other places. He had no symptoms in those areas and therefor no warning. We have been told he only has a short time left to live.
I can't put into words our sense of shock and disbelief - and very complicated for us as he is my carer and has been my mainstay of physical and emotional support for many, many years. Our roles have reversed overnight and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do all that I want to do for him in terms of physical care over the coming months. Emotional care is no problem. We love each other deeply and are dealing with our grief well.
It isn't my intention to share every detail of the journey we're now on here. To be honest that wouldn't be appropriate and it is enough that we are carried in people's hearts and metta. Covid is really complicating things in the UK so we haven't even been able to see family but we feel enveloped by love and support - albeit of a virtual kind.
Regarding my practice I recognise I'm on an uncharted journey - not totally unfamiliar because I've lost loved ones in recent years. But the magnitude of this situation and this loss is different. Will my practice sustain me? I hold this question in fear, in doubt and with no certitude but I feel it might be so.
Metta to all facing loss and grief,
Jinyo
Have not felt able to sit for a while but hope to be able to soon.
Apologies in advance that this will be longer than three sentences but I wanted to explain that I may be absent for a while - at least in terms of posting.
A short while ago my dear husband of over thirty years had a routine scan. We were not expecting anything too earth shattering but terminal
cancer showed up in his pancreas, liver and other places. He had no symptoms in those areas and therefor no warning. We have been told he only has a short time left to live.
I can't put into words our sense of shock and disbelief - and very complicated for us as he is my carer and has been my mainstay of physical and emotional support for many, many years. Our roles have reversed overnight and my biggest fear is that I won't be able to do all that I want to do for him in terms of physical care over the coming months. Emotional care is no problem. We love each other deeply and are dealing with our grief well.
It isn't my intention to share every detail of the journey we're now on here. To be honest that wouldn't be appropriate and it is enough that we are carried in people's hearts and metta. Covid is really complicating things in the UK so we haven't even been able to see family but we feel enveloped by love and support - albeit of a virtual kind.
Regarding my practice I recognise I'm on an uncharted journey - not totally unfamiliar because I've lost loved ones in recent years. But the magnitude of this situation and this loss is different. Will my practice sustain me? I hold this question in fear, in doubt and with no certitude but I feel it might be so.
Metta to all facing loss and grief,
Jinyo
Have not felt able to sit for a while but hope to be able to soon.
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