Resistance to Buddha

[Meitou]

So much good advice here Brad, I can only talk about my own experience. My husband, an Italian born into the Catholic Church, has always resisted having anything to do with my practice. But it wasn't about religion per se, he was a non practitioner, but more about our relationship. I could see that he was resentful and jealous - because suddenly I had this determined interest in something that didn't include him; he was frightened that it would take me away from him. I have never tried to convert him, have gently talked through any issues that have come up in daily life in ordinary words and ways and have tried, by example, to show that he has nothing to fear, while still staying firmly on my path.
Over the last couple of years there has been a shift and I give credit for that to the socially engaged nature of Zen and Treeleaf. Stef can't relate to meditation, chanting etc, but he can relate to his formerly rather untidy wife enthusiastically doing the housework (samu!) and for the first time ever actually showing an interest in ironing (rakusu!). And perhaps something clicked at a deeper level because this year he has started to drop into a local church, to light a candle for someone, to sit for a while. I've tentatively suggested Mass (and offered to go with him), he's not there yet, but that too may happen.
So I might suggest being discreet, and letting your wife see that your gentle path is no threat to her or your relationship. This is also your practice!
Just my two centesimi
Metta to you both
Meitou
Satwithyoualltoday lah

[Seishin]

I think step one is to know what a Buddhist is. The rest is a piece of cake

https://youtu.be/ZVGDzne7cRQ

Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

Precious, I finally get it.


As for the original question, my wife is not particularly religious but there again not against Buddha or my practice. I guess through my martial arts and pseudo Zen meditation to deal with stress when I was working, it slowly eased in the acceptance of my chosen path, when I started practising "formally" two years ago when I joined Treeleaf. As said earlier being subtle and unobtrusive is most likely to best way to gain acceptance that this is something you want to do. When first starting daily zazen, I sat in the mornings before my wife woke up and took her meds (she has an ongoing heart condition). If sitting in the evening it would be after she goes up to bed or during the time I put aside for guitar practice. In this way I was not eating into our time together. After a year of practising this way, I was able to commit to Ango and Jukai last year without disturbing the family dynamics. This approach worked for me but we are all the same but different.

[Eva]

Some very wise advise from the folks here.

I will just put my usual comment when this comes up (and it does from time to time, you are not alone) ...

If there is a "God" ... whether in the Judeo-Christian way or some other, whether named "Allah" "Jehovah" "Thor" "Brahma" or "Stanley" ... I will fetch water and chop wood, seeking to live in a gentle way, avoiding harm to self and others (not two, by the way).

If there is no "God" "Allah" or "Stanley", or any source or creator or point to the universe at all, I will fetch water and chop wood, seeking to live in a gentle way, avoiding harm to self and others (not two, by the way).

I do not know if, in the next life, that "gentle way, avoiding harm" will buy me a ticket to heaven and keep me out of hell ... but I know for a fact that it will go far to do so in this life, today, where I see people create all manner of "heavens and hells" for themselves and those around them by their harmful words, thoughts and acts in this life.

And if there is a "heaven and hell" in the next life, or other effects of Karma now ... well, my actions now have effects then too, and might be the ticket to heaven or good rebirth.

In other words, whatever the case ... today, now ... live in a gentle way, avoiding harm to self and others (not two, by the way) ... seeking to avoid harm now and in the future too.


Gassho, J

SatTodayLAH

Thank you SO much for this, Jundo .
This truly speaks right into my heart and I do hope I will be the lucky one to carry out this very simple life without anyone noticing .

Gassho, eva

sattoday and also LAH

[Tairin]

Hi Brad

I am not sure how new your practice is to you but I find that when people take on something new (fitness, yoga, vegetarianism, religion, painting etc) they tend to do so with great enthusiasm and naturally want to share their experience. I like the advice of others here. Take it slow. Incorporate this into your own life. Eventually it should be clear that this practice is being a positive influence on you and perhaps your wife’s concerns will be alleviated. I don’t believe there is ever any need to evangelize one’s religion as faith and belief are highly personal but I recognize that it is a different story between spouses.

Good luck and
Tairin
Sat today

[Joyo]

Hello Brad,

already a lot of great advice here. The same advice was given to me years ago and I can encourage you that it did work. My husband is a Christian (although he doesn't really practice a lot either) and it was a source of contention and marital strife when I quit going to church and no longer wanted to have anything to do with Christianity. Eventually, it got sorted out and a new normal fell into place. Just give it time, practice gently and it will sort itself out in due time.

Gassho,
Joyo
sat today/lah

[Kyonin]

Hi Brad,

I am in Mexico, a 98% Catholic country. Being a Buddhist here is pretty much going against the stream all time.

In my experience, people close to me manifest resistance to Buddha and our Zen practice. If asked, I explain once as best as I can what is this practice about. And then I just go about my business. In time, when people see you more calm and centered, they start to ask questions and get interested. Not that they will embrace Buddhism, but by our example they see it's not so bad after all.

So yes, sit zazen, be kind and live by the Precepts.

Gassho,

Kyonin
Sat/LAH

[Shinshou]

My kids see me sitting, ask what I do when I stare at the wall, and I just say "nothing." When one asked me "how can you do nothing?" then we talked a little more about it. My wife, on the other hand, willingly lets me engage in whatever practices I want, but will make passive-aggressive statements occasionally. I usually smile, laugh a little, and go along with the joke. If that's what she needs to do, then I let her. I get to sit and interact with the sangha regardless of those comments.

Shinshou (Dan)
Sat Today